so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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