Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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