if i can run in heels then i can drive
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
