Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Randomize
