I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
