Sry I called you an 8
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
