You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
