I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
