So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
