My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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