Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
