She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
