apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
