it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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