dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
