So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
