I wannas sexs uuuuu
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
