there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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