At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think people are normalizing furries
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
