you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The best revenge is premature balding
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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