You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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