...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
