The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
