I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
