I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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