Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
