i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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