I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
