Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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