he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
