You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize