Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
