once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
