I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
