I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The Olympian is in my bed
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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