My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
