Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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