i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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