I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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