he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
