Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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