finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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