I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
