Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
