I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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