i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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