The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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