wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You smell like a Billy Joel song
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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