you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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