Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
