You're completely useless in the revolution.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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