I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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