Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
