One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
