idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
