I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
