Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
