He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's always time for handjobs
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
