is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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