Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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