just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
