This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want her autograph on my taint
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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