This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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