It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
