and you said cock pushups were impossible
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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