Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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