yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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