My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
