take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
